Disciplining Teenagers: Guiding without control:

Parent Name:

Teen’s Name:

Date:

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Objective: Shift the approach to disciplining teens by focusing on guidance through influence, setting clear and fair boundaries, and fostering communication rather than control

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1. Shift from Control to Influence

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Goal:

Build mutual respect and open communication with your teen while influencing their choices through guidance.

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Action Plan:

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• Build trust by engaging in non-judgmental conversations.

• Set clear expectations while allowing independence.

• Offer guidance but allow learning from their decisions.​

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Progress Tracking:

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• Does your teen come to you with their problems? (Scale: 1 to 5)

• Are they respectful of your expectations? (Scale: 1 to 5)

• Are you able to provide guidance without feeling the need for control? (Yes/No)

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​Reflection:

Write down one conversation where you guided your teen rather than controlling their behavior:

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2. Set Clear and Fair Boundaries

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Goal:

Establish reasonable and clearly defined boundaries that foster responsibility while explaining the reasoning behind the rules.

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Action Plan:

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• Involve your teen in setting some boundaries.

• Clearly communicate consequences of breaking boundaries.

• Explain the reasoning behind the rules.

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Progress Tracking:

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• Has your teen respected the boundaries? (Yes/No)

• Were the boundaries discussed collaboratively? (Yes/No)

• Does your teen understand why the rules are in place? (Scale: 1 to 5)

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Reflection:

Describe a boundary you set with your teen and how they responded:

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3. Use Natural and Logical Consequences

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Goal:

Help your teen learn from the real-world outcomes of their actions through natural or logical consequences.

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Action Plan:

• Allow natural consequences to take effect (e.g., lower grades for not studying).

• Apply logical consequences directly tied to their behavior (e.g., losing car privileges).

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Progress Tracking:

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• Has your teen experienced natural consequences for their actions? (Yes/No)

• Did you implement logical consequences when necessary? (Yes/No)

• Has your teen demonstrated increased responsibility? (Scale: 1 to 5)

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Reflection:

Note one instance where a natural or logical consequence was used effectively:

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4. Focus on Communication and Problem-Solving

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Goal:

Engage your teen in constructive conversations about their actions, promoting problemsolving and self-reflection.

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Action Plan:

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• Discuss what went wrong and explore solutions together.

• Help your teen identify root causes of their behavior.

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Progress Tracking:

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• How often are you able to discuss issues calmly with your teen? (Frequency per week)

• Has your teen actively participated in problem-solving discussions? (Yes/No)

• Does your teen show improved decision-making? (Scale: 1 to 5)

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Reflection:​​

Describe a problem-solving conversation you had with your teen:

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5. Be Consistent, but Flexible When Appropriate

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Goal:

Balance consistency with consequences and flexibility when your teen demonstrates responsibility.

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Action Plan:

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• Enforce consequences for serious rule-breaking.

• Show flexibility when your teen earns it through responsible behavior.

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Progress Tracking:

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• Have you been consistent with key boundaries? (Yes/No)

• Have you shown flexibility where appropriate? (Yes/No)

• Does your teen acknowledge the balance of consistency and flexibility? (Scale: 1 to 5)

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Reflection:

Write down a situation where you balanced consistency with flexibility:

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6. Model the Behavior You Want to See

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Goal:

Lead by example in areas such as emotional regulation, responsibility, and respect.

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Action Plan:

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• Demonstrate respect, responsibility, and emotional regulation.

• Admit when you make mistakes and show accountability.​

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Progress Tracking:

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• Have you been mindful of modeling positive behavior? (Yes/No)

• Does your teen reflect some of the behaviors you’ve modeled? (Yes/No)

• How well have you demonstrated accountability when needed? (Scale: 1 to 5)

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Reflection:

Describe how you modeled a behavior you want your teen to adopt:

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7. Offer Positive Reinforcement

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Goal: Reinforce positive behavior through praise and privileges, helping your teen feel appreciated.

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Action Plan:

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• Acknowledge your teen’s achievements and responsible decisions.

• Use privileges as a reward for good behavior.

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Progress Tracking:

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• Have you offered specific praise for positive actions? (Yes/No)

• Have you used privileges to reward responsible behavior? (Yes/No)

• Does your teen respond well to positive reinforcement? (Scale: 1 to 5)

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Reflection:

Write down one positive behavior you reinforced this week:

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Overall Progress and Reflections:

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Reflect on the overall progress made in disciplining without control. What challenges have you faced, and what successes have you experienced?

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Next Steps:

 

Identify one area for improvement or focus moving forward:

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Measurable Outcomes:

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1. Increased Respect and Trust: Does your teen come to you for advice or with their problems more often?

• Target: Increased frequency over 3 months.

2. Responsibility and Independence: Has your teen been more responsible in fulfilling their tasks (e.g., homework, curfews)?

• Target: Improvement in independence over 3 months.

3. Improved Communication: Are discussions around discipline more constructive and solutionfocused?

• Target: Shift from arguments to problem-solving.

4. Consistency in Boundaries: Has there been a balance between consistent boundaries and earned flexibility?

• Target: Fewer boundary violations, with increased responsible behavior.

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