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Reflecting on Past Ruptures
1. Think about a recent rupture (misunderstanding or conflict) with your child:
• Describe the situation. What triggered the rupture?
• How did you feel during the rupture?
• How did your child react to the rupture?
• Did you attempt to repair it? If so, how? If not, why not?
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Example:
Rupture: I raised my voice when my child refused to do their homework.
My feelings: Frustration and anger, feeling overwhelmed.
Child’s reaction: They withdrew and became upset, refusing to talk.
Repair: I apologized and explained that I was stressed, but it wasn’t their fault.
Part 2: The Repair Process
3. What Does Repair Look Like for You?
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• When you realize you’ve had a rupture, what steps can you take to repair it?
• Apologize sincerely.
• Acknowledge your child’s feelings.
• Explain why you reacted the way you did.
• Ask for your child’s perspective and listen actively.
• Commit to improving in the future.
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Example Steps for Repair:
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1. Apologize: “I’m sorry for raising my voice. That wasn’t fair to you.”
2. Acknowledge Feelings: “I can see that you’re upset.”
3. Explain: “I was feeling stressed, but that’s not your fault.”
4. Listen: “Can you tell me how you felt when I raised my voice?”
5. Commit: “I’ll work on staying calm next time. Let’s talk about how we can handle this better in the future.”
Part 3: Looking Back with Compassion
4. Reflecting on Childhood:
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• Think back to your childhood. Was there a time you felt misunderstood, ignored, or hurt by a parent or caregiver?
• How might that experience influence how you react to your child in similar situations today?
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Example:
Childhood memory: My parents dismissed my feelings when I was upset.
Current impact: I sometimes get frustrated when my child expresses big emotions, as it reminds me of not being heard myself.
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5. Reframing Your Approach:
• How can you respond differently to your child in situations that trigger past emotional wounds?
• Can you practice empathy and patience where it was lacking for you?
• Can you offer your child the understanding you wished you’d received?
Part 4: Action Plan for Future Repairs
6. Identify an ongoing rupture:
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• What recurring issue or pattern is causing tension between you and your child?
• What actions can you take to start repairing this rupture today?
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Example:
Ongoing rupture: My child often pushes boundaries at bedtime, leading to arguments. Action plan:
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1. Acknowledge their feelings: “I know it’s hard to go to bed when you want more playtime.”
2. Set clear expectations: “We need to stick to the bedtime routine for a good night’s sleep.”
3. Offer comfort: “Let’s read an extra book to help you relax.”
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Tracking Progress: Rupture and Repair
Use this table to track your progress in recognizing ruptures and making repairs.
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Final Thoughts:
Remember:
• Ruptures are normal.
• The repair process strengthens your relationship.
• Apologies are powerful tools for growth, connection, and healing.
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Take these steps to heart, and as you continue to practice rupture and repair, you’ll notice deeper, more authentic connections with your child. Healing the present can also mean healing parts of your past.
This worksheet is designed to help parents develop emotional awareness, repair ruptured connections, and build lasting emotional bonds with their children. By reflecting on your reactions and taking actionable steps toward repair,