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How Strict Should Parents Be?
Introduction:
This week, we’ll explore three main approaches to guiding children’s behavior: strict, lenient, and collaborative. We’ll focus on how to balance authority with empathy and problem-solving to build a strong, respectful relationship with your child.
Task 1: Reflecting on Your Parenting Style
1. Think of a recent moment when you had to guide your child’s behavior. Were you strict, lenient, or collaborative? How did your child respond?
2. How could you have approached the situation more collaboratively, involving your child in finding a solution?
Task 2: Collaborating with Your Child
1. Reflect on a challenge your child faces regularly (e.g., cleaning up, bedtime, homework). How can you involve your child in solving this problem collaboratively?
2. Work through the issue together by validating your child’s feelings and brainstorming solutions.
What ideas did your child contribute, and how did they respond to being part of the solution?
Task 3: Understanding Tantrums
1. Think of a recent tantrum your child had.
What emotions do you think were driving the behavior?
2. How can you acknowledge your child’s emotions during a tantrum without giving in to unrealistic demands?
For example, “I understand you’re upset because I said no.”
Final Reflection
1. How has this lesson changed your perspective on strict, lenient, and collaborative parenting?
2. What steps will you take to involve your child in problem-solving while guiding their behavior?
Progress Tracker
Use this section to evaluate your progress in balancing authority with empathy and problem solving.
Quantitative Tracking
1. How often did you approach challenges with your child collaboratively this week?
On a scale of 1-5 (1 = Rarely, 5 = Frequently):
( ) 1
( ) 2
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( ) 5
2. How often did you acknowledge your child’s emotions during difficult moments or tantrums?
On a scale of 1-5 (1 = Rarely, 5 = Frequently):
( ) 1
( ) 2
( ) 3
( ) 4
( ) 5
3. How confident do you feel about balancing guidance with empathy and collaboration?
On a scale of 1-5 (1 = Not confident, 5 = Very confident):
( ) 1
( ) 2
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( ) 4
( ) 5
Qualitative Tracking
1. What was the most important insight you gained from reflecting on your parenting style this week?
2. How did involving your child in problem-solving affect their behavior and your relationship?
Behavioural Breakthrough Script:
1. Pre-School (Ages 2-5): Managing Tantrums & Setting Boundaries with Empathy
Common Challenges:
• Frequent tantrums when emotions become overwhelming
• Struggles with boundaries and saying “no”
• Parents feel pressure to be either overly strict or overly lenient
What to Say & How to Say It:
Choosing Collaborative Over Strict or Lenient Parenting
• Strict: “Because I said so” (Creates fear but not understanding.)
• Lenient: “Okay, fine, just stop crying” (Teaches children to persist with tantrums to get their way.)
• Collaborative: “I understand that you’re upset. Let’s take a deep breath and figure this out together.”
Managing Tantrums with Connection
• “I see you’re really frustrated because I said no to ice cream. It’s okay to feel upset.”
• “I won’t change my answer, but I’m here to help you calm down.”
Setting Boundaries with Empathy
• “I won’t let you hit, but I can help you find another way to let out your frustration.”
• “I know leaving the playground is hard. Do you want to walk to the car, or shall I carry you?”
(Toddlers need firm but loving boundaries that teach emotional regulation, not control.)
2. Middle Childhood (Ages 6-11): Teaching Problem-Solving & Emotional Flexibility
Common Challenges:
• Complaining, arguing, or testing limits
• Frustration over fairness and rules
• Increased independence, but still needing guidance
What to Say & How to Say It:
Choosing Collaborative Over Strict or Lenient Parenting
• Strict: “That’s the rule, no arguments.” (Shuts down communication.)
• Lenient: “Okay, do whatever you want.” (Creates uncertainty.)
• Collaborative: “I hear you don’t like this rule. Let’s talk about why it’s important and see if we can find a compromise.”
Helping Children Handle Frustration Without Tantrums
• “I get that you’re really annoyed about bedtime. Let’s talk about a plan together.”
• “You wish you could have more screen time, but we agreed on the limit. I know it’s hard.”
Encouraging Emotional Regulation
• “I can tell you’re upset. Would you like a break, or do you want to talk it through?”
• “Let’s figure out a way you can express your feelings that helps me understand you better.”
(Children at this stage are developing problem-solving skills—guiding them through frustration fosters independence.)
3. Puberty (Ages 12-14): Supporting Emotional Growth & Balancing Rules with Respect
Common Challenges:
• Increased pushback against rules and boundaries
• Intense emotions and mood swings
• Resistance to authority but still needing guidance
What to Say & How to Say It:
Choosing Collaborative Over Strict or Lenient Parenting
• Strict: “I don’t care how you feel about it, just do it.” (Causes rebellion.)
• Lenient: “Fine, I give up. Do whatever.” (Leads to confusion and lack of responsibility.)
• Collaborative: “I respect your point of view. Let’s find a way that works for both of us.”
Helping Teens Manage Big Emotions
• “I see you’re really frustrated. Do you want space or help working through it?”
• “I get that you think this rule is unfair. I’m open to discussing it, but let’s stay respectful.”
Encouraging Self-Regulation Without Punishment
• “I’m happy to give you more freedom, but I need to see responsibility first. Let’s talk about what that looks like.”
• “I can’t let you speak to me that way, but I’m willing to listen when you’re ready to talk respectfully.”
(Adolescents need autonomy, but they also need structure—collaboration keeps communication open while maintaining boundaries.)
4. Adolescence (Ages 15-18): Encouraging Independence While Maintaining Connection
Common Challenges:
• Pushing back against authority and family expectations
• Increased emotional distance from parents
• Wanting freedom but struggling with responsibility
What to Say & How to Say It:
Choosing Collaborative Over Strict or Lenient Parenting
• Strict: “My house, my rules. End of discussion.” (Pushes teens away.)
• Lenient: “You’re old enough to figure it out on your own.” (Neglects emotional support.)
• Collaborative: “You want more independence, and I want to make sure you’re ready for it. Let’s talk about a plan.”
Helping Teens Manage Conflict & Emotions
• “I know you don’t agree with me, but we need to find a way to work through this together.”
• “I respect that you have your own opinions, and I’m willing to listen as long as we both stay calm.”
Encouraging Self-Regulation & Responsibility
• “I trust you to make good choices, but I also expect you to take responsibility when mistakes happen.”
• “I won’t always have the answers, but I’ll always be here when you need me.”
(Older teens are preparing for adulthood—offering them guidance while respecting their independence builds confidence and trust.)
Why This Works Across All Ages:
✅ Encourages Emotional Intelligence – Helps children learn to regulate emotions instead of suppressing them.
✅ Strengthens Parent-Child Trust – Collaborative parenting builds respect, not fear.
✅ Teaches Problem-Solving – Children learn to think critically about challenges rather than just follow rules.
✅ Prepares for Independence – Kids grow into confident, responsible adults with strong emotional skills.
Core Reminder for Parents:
“Collaborative parenting fosters empathy, problem-solving, and mutual respect. Tantrums and emotional outbursts are not battles to win—they are opportunities to guide children towards emotional regulation and resilience.”
Connection Reset Digital Journal
A Guided Reflection for Parents in the Connection-Correction Parenting Course
Introduction
Parenting is a journey of continuous growth—for both you and your child. This journal is designed to help you apply the insights from the Connection-Correction Parenting Course, track your progress, and deepen your connection with your child. By reflecting on your daily experiences, emotional triggers, and parenting wins, you’ll create a foundation for resilience, emotional intelligence, and trust in your relationship.
Use this journal daily or weekly to document your thoughts and experiences. You are not striving for perfection—you are embracing growth.
Daily Reflection Template
Date:
1. What parenting challenge did I face today?
(Describe any difficult moments, whether it was managing a tantrum, navigating a power struggle, handling sibling conflict, or responding to defiance.)
2. How did I respond?
(Be honest—did you stay calm? Did you react out of frustration? What approach did you use?)
3. What emotions did I feel in that moment?
☐ Frustration
☐ Anxiety
☐ Guilt
☐ Helplessness
☐ Anger
☐ Fear
☐ Shame
☐ Sadness
☐ Calm
☐ Confidence
☐ Gratitude
☐ Other: __________
4. Did this challenge connect to my own childhood experiences?
(Reflect on whether this situation triggered memories or patterns from your upbringing.)
5. What did I do well today?
(Did you pause before reacting? Did you practice active listening? Did you model emotional regulation?)
6. How did my child respond?
(Did you pause before reacting? Did you practice active listening? Did you model emotional regulation?)
7. What is one small change I can try next time?
(Think of a phrase, action, or mindset shift you want to implement tomorrow.)
8. Did I have a meaningful moment of connection with my child today?
☐ Yes, during _________ (e.g., bedtime, playtime, a meal).
☐ No, but I will create one tomorrow by __________ (e.g., putting my phone away during conversations, reading together, asking about their feelings).
Weekly Reflection: Recognizing Growth
1. What progress have I noticed in my child’s behavior or emotional regulation this week?
(Smaller tantrums? More cooperation? More open conversations? Increased independence?)
2. What progress have I noticed in my own parenting?
(Have you been more patient, consistent, or intentional in your responses?)
3. What moments of repair and reconnection stood out?
(Think of a time when you resolved conflict with understanding rather than control.)
4. What was my biggest parenting challenge this week, and how did I handle it?
(Were you able to apply course strategies? If not, what can you adjust?)
5. Which parenting approach from the Connection-Correction Parenting Course helped me the most this week?
☐ Self-awareness of my parenting heritage
☐ Using natural consequences instead of punishments
☐ Teaching my child to express emotions with words
☐ Responding to behavior as communication
☐ Practicing mindful listening and connection
☐ Managing my inner critic to set a positive example
☐ Fostering independence with healthy boundaries
☐ Other: ___________
6. What is my parenting goal for the upcoming week?
(Examples: “Stay calm during meltdowns,” “Let my child solve more problems on their own,” “Model self-compassion when I make mistakes.”)
Breakthrough Moments
(Use this section whenever you experience a significant realization, shift, or parenting win.)
• What happened?
• What did I learn?
• How will I apply this going forward?
Reset and Self-Care Check-In
(Parenting is emotionally demanding. Take a moment to check in with yourself.)
1. How am I feeling about parenting right now?
☐ Overwhelmed
☐ Confident
☐ Tired
☐ Hopeful
☐ Frustrated
☐ Inspired
☐ Supported
☐ Other: _______
2. Have I taken care of my own emotional needs this week?
☐ Yes, I made time for myself by ___________ (e.g., reading, exercising, journaling, talking to a friend).
☐ No, I need to make space for self-care by ___________.
3. What is one thing I can do to recharge as a parent?
(Examples: Take a break, practice breathwork, remind myself that I don’t have to be perfect.)
Final Thoughts
Parenting is not about being flawless—it’s about showing up, staying curious, and continuously learning. Every time you reflect, adjust, and repair, you are strengthening your connection with your child.
This journal is your space to document growth, setbacks, and victories. Keep going, keep reflecting, and trust that even the smallest changes are shaping your child’s future in meaningful ways.
You are building a relationship that will last a lifetime.